Freckles.

i realized the other day (actually it might have been yesterday..??) that i am not as observant as i often give myself credit for. in fact, i am really not that observant at all, when it comes to most people.

my theory? when i'm first meeting or getting to know someone, i notice everything-- the color of their eyes, the highlights in their hair, the way their hands look and are used in conversation, the straightness (or lack thereof) of their teeth, the prominence of their collarbones and cheekbones, the way they use sarcasm, the sound of their laugh... you catch my drift, i'm sure. basic appearance and humor stuff, that's my thing.

but once you get to know a person better, those things begin to matter less and less, and often you forget what used to be basic knowledge, retrievable at the drop of a hat. i often find it harder to recall the faces of those i know and love best than those i barely know at all. that's all well and good, and even understandable. for example, when allie took out her lip ring, it took me a while to notice. i had gotten so used to just looking at her as allie, my best friend with black hair, brown eyes, and tan skin, that it's absence took a while to register. when you look at your best friends, you forget whether their eyes are brownish green or yellowish green or even bluish green, because you know that they are green, and that's enough. small, largely insignificant details in those closest to you don't really change what or how you think of them, since you unconsciously know them in a certain image, a general one-- someone you care about.

i'm okay with that, small changes in peoples' appearances that i don't notice right away, like haircuts and tans and the like. forgetting the intimate details? sure, okay, it happens. but it's odd to discover something new about someone you've known for what feels like forever-- something that has always been there, escaping your notice. this happened to me recently: i noticed that someone i have loved and cared about for forever has freckles, yes, freckles, sprinkled across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. i was completely flabbergasted, no joke! i LOVE freckles, and i was amazed that i had never seen them before. why had i never looked closely enough to see them? am i the only one that doesn't always look at these details, but rather forms a complete picture of someone? that was completely rhetorical, but i completely felt horrible for not noticing the freckles before this. i mean, no harm done, i know, but it's ridiculous that i didn't see them.

where's the kid with the chemicals?

i got a hunger and i can't seem to get full.

i need some meaning i can memorize--

the kind i have always seems to slip my mind.