Head Versus Heart

I don't know where to begin with you.

Let me start by pointing out that I am by far the biggest liar in the universe. I have gone back and forth about you so many times that it's hard to keep track of the roller coaster of feelings that makes up all of my previous posts. That doesn't make me a liar, does it? Just confused. I'll tell you what does make me a liar, though: the fact that I was very aware all along of my feelings for you, whether I was denying them or embracing them, and on top of that, the many times I swore I was done with you. I was never done with you. I will never be done with you.

Where does that leave me? None of my friends particularly want to talk about you with me. They all roll their eyes or visibly steel themselves for what they probably think is the same old bullshit. I hope things are different this time. You tell me that this time, it's for real, and funnily enough, despite everything, I believe you entirely. But this is the worst possible time for things to finally be right for us. I thought I had everything figured out, but you have thwarted me again, and you know it. You may act sorry for putting me in this position, but you're not. And what's more is that I'm not sorry either, no matter how deeply this complicates things.