Secretly Falling Apart

I have no clue what I'm doing.

Maybe if I told you about it you would laugh. But would you secretly feel the prick of jealousy just underneath your skin? Would you close your eyes for a moment and wish things could be different?

This isn't me, not really. I don't do things like this. Maybe I should just put a stop to it all right here and now, before it goes too far. The things is that I do care about you, truly and deeply, and that should be enough for me.

I guess this all goes back to being completely sure of myself.
What do I want? Surely not this.
This is NOT enough for me.

The answer is so simple. I know exactly what I want: y o u.
You are what I want, above all things, and I cannot believe I thought even for a second that doing this would make me forget about you. Hell, I don't want to forget how much you mean to me... I just want it to be real.