Under My Skin

you know, it used to bother me to let people in.

when asked personal questions, even from friends, i shied away.

these days? i am the most open person i know, probably.

by 'open,' i don't mean that i offer bits of my soul to random people.

nah, what i mean is that i don't try to hide who i am, not anymore.

but out of all my close friends, i think you understand me the most.

why? i have no idea.

wait, yes i do: i let you in.

what can i say??

i don't mind you under my skin.

i've already told you that i miss you, and i wonder if you got the message.

it doesn't matter, i guess, in the grand scheme of things at the moment.

you have her, you love her, you're happy, and that's what's important.

i know that to be true.

i don't like ultimatums.

like big choices, i suppose.

especially ones pertaining to you.

more specifically to letting you go...

which i just can't do. and don't want to.

of the people i love most in the world, several of them think that's what i need to do. of the people who know me best in the world, most of them KNOW that's just not possible. not because i can't, per say, since i'm sure i could eventually, and they know that. i guess it's because they know that there's no point, really.

not until i have you, for real.

was that creepy? haha.

there could be several interpretations to the statement.

i know that you know what i mean. you have to.

last time we actually talked [for any period of time], i asked you if you read this. you said you had indeed kept up with it, and bewildered as to why, i asked you. i asked you if the reason that you hadn't forgotten about me was because you read this. and you, you said something like, "that i haven't forgotten about you is why i've read it." i think that was my favorite part of that conversation. =D

in one of my favorite books, Teach Me, there's a part where Nine & Richard are talking.

she asks him why he wants/loves her, and he whispers, "Your mind."

thinking he said, "You're mine,"

Nine says, "I'm yours?"

♥♥