Dear Christie,
I have so much to say to you, that I don't really know where to begin.
I guess I'll start with how we got here:
The Fight. You know the one I mean. The only fight we ever really had.
We both said things to and about each other, things that we didn't mean.
All in all, it was a stupid, immature fight, and sometimes I wish it hadn't happened.
Looking back, I realize that The Fight gave you a push towards good people: the band kids.
I'm not great friends with any of them, not a single one, but sometimes I wish I was. You seem to have so much fun with them, and I know that you really love them.
When you first started hanging out with them, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I honestly thought that it wouldn't work out. I thought that they were slightly hesitant to let you in. After all, they are a closely knit group. I know now that the only real reason I thought that was because I didn't want to let you go.
Did you know that you were my best friend??
For many, many months you were, and I loved it so.
We had fun together: swimming, watching movies, just talking.
We hung out constantly: at each of our houses. Even on weekdays.
We pretty much owned each other's MySpaces, in the sense that mine was covered in your comments and picture comments, and yours with mine. Do you remember? We shared a Photobucket. Er, you had my password (which is still the same, FYI).
I still have tons and tons of videos and pictures of us together.
Was it so wrong of me to want you for myself (and Chelsea)?
At some point, we started to change, both of us, and we didn't seem to be changing in the same direction anymore. Could you sense it, too?
I don't know exactly when it began, or even what caused it.
But, I do know that you started hanging out with Them more, post-Fight.
Chelsea and I saw you less and less, and I guess that marked the beginning of the end.
Looking back, I see that it wasn't the beginning of the end, but rather, the end of the beginning. I know that that sounds kinda cheesy and lame, but I really mean it. Something new was occuring, for both of us. For me, it was a boy, and for you it was Them.
Now, I know that they (note the lowercase 't') love you, too.
I think they give you the acceptance we didn't.
Maybe we tried to change you too much.
Or maybe we were just too different.
I miss you, I really do.
I miss the fun we used to have.
But, we're not the same people anymore.
...Are we?
2 comments:
Kenna...
You were my best friend too. I miss everything we had, I miss it everyday.
But you're right. We're not the same people we were anymore. I don't think I ever really was the person you thought I was, not completely.
And it's because of that that we can never be the same. As great as it would be to just start over, we can't. Because of everything that happened.
I'm not sure what caused us moving in different directions either. I think it was life. It was inevitable. And though our differences used to be what made us so close, it was those differences that broke us apart in the end.
I'll never forget all the laughs we shared at Chelsea's. All the pointless crap we wrote about in that composition book. Everything about our friendship, I'll never forget it.
I have something else to say too.
I know you probably think I'm a bitch, and you feel like I deserted you. I tried so hard not to. I tried so hard to be friends with both, like Jenna was. But it's just impossible. I didn't want to choose, and I don't feel like I chose. I don't know if you read one of my blogs where I said I woke up one day and I was just more of one group and less of the other, but that's exactly what happened. Please know that I never wanted to hurt you. Any of you. I loved you all. I still do. I always will.
Love,
Crustyy.
I'm so sorry. I didn't just wake up and say, "I think I'll desert them today." I never meant to. It just... happened. And I would love for us to still be friends.
Love,
Christie.
P.S. I still have the BFF pics on my bulletin board.
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